Hey man! Today’s video is all about curing your fear of rejection. The best coaches in the world, like myself, get rejected the most because we approach the most. So then how can a normal guy like you, who’s possibly not yet quite the ladies man, never get rejected?
Well, in this video, I’m going to show you exactly how:
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3 Ways To Cure Your Fear Of Rejection For Good
Look, man, you can’t ever get to a point in life where no one ever says no to you or just doesn’t accept whatever it is that you’re offering them,
getting a no, whether it’s in business or sales, friends, family, whatever it is, it’s just a part of life.
Not everyone will want what you have to offer.
So then what can we do to never get rejected?
Well, number one, we can actually minimize the amount of NO’s that you get when approaching beautiful women.
And number two, even more importantly, we can change the way you think and feel about getting a “NO” so that it doesn’t feel like a rejection.
When I first started approaching women during the daytime, I had a huge fear of rejection and it showed up in my approach. They could read it on my face, I’m sure, because I was approaching them with this “Please be nice to me.” Kind of look in my eye. Kind of leaning back like “I’m
sorry I interrupted you.”
I was just so afraid they were going to feel like I was interrupting them until I realized I wasn’t interrupting them. I mean, sometimes I was, but even when I was, they absolutely loved it!
And it was like a shift in my brain that I was actually making their day. And even when they weren’t into it, because, of course, not every woman is impressed by my approach.
But what I realized is they weren’t rejecting me as a person. They were just not available!
I’ll give you 3 of my practical mindsets to help cure your fear of rejection:
FIRST MINDSET IS – ITS HER SH*T OR YOUR SH*T
So it’s either her sh**, meaning it’s her world, her reality, what’s going on in her life. It has nothing to do with you.
It’s the fact that she has a boyfriend, so she’s not into it or she’s in a hurry or she had a bad day. She might have just got fired from her job!
One time I had a student on Hollywood Boulevard approach a girl who just got off the phone. It seemed like she wasn’t doing anything. Seemed like a great opportunity. Turns out she got off the phone with the police because somebody just harassed her and molested her.
So needless to say, her reaction wasn’t great, but it had nothing, nothing to do with my client. It had to do with just the situation
that had just happened.
You have no idea what her reality is, what her world is. So why take it personal and “Say she rejected ME!” when it has nothing to do with you.. OR it does have something to do with you, meaning it’s your sh**.
But all she knows about you remember is your tonality and your body language, your appearance, the words that came out of your mouth and the way you approached her, like the angle. Maybe you approached from behind and she freaked out.
So it’s just feedback.
The problem is you don’t know what the feedback is because she’s not going to just tell you. She’s not going to say, “Oh, you were talking too fast and you look down and that felt a little creepy or you felt a little needy or you felt too nervous.”
She’s not going to tell you that, which is why it’s so important to have a mentor, somebody who knows what to look for, who can spot those blind spots so you don’t keep running in circles making the same mistakes and keep having women dismiss you and saying no, that they’re not interested.
And you keep doing it over and over again when you can easily have somebody analyze your approach, give you some feedback and you can fix it on the spot.
SECOND MINDSET – SHE’S QUALIFIED OR DISQUALIFIED
Look, man, she either has what it takes to date you or she doesn’t.
She has a boyfriend? Doesn’t mean she rejected you, just means she doesn’t have what it takes. She’s disqualified to be a potential lover with you.
If she’s in a hurry. Same thing. She’s disqualified in that moment. You need somebody who’s not in a hurry to have a conversation with them.
If she’s not into you, she’s disqualified.
Do you really want to date a woman that’s not into you? So it really comes down to she’s either qualified, she has what
it takes to date you.
She’s a good candidate or she’s not a good candidate. And sometimes it just depends on the circumstances of that moment.
Maybe if she wasn’t so busy, she would be a good candidate. But in that situation, she’s just disqualified. And if she’s disqualified, that’s a good thing. That gives you an opportunity to find someone who is qualified.
Imagine you went on a date with a girl who’s not qualified to date you and you wasted all this time. Maybe you went on several dates. Maybe she became your girlfriend and she just doesn’t have what it takes. She doesn’t have the qualities, the attributes to date a guy like you, you want to find that out sooner rather than later.
So when a girl becomes disqualified, say “thank you”, because now you have an opportunity to find someone who is qualified.
THIRD MINDSET – LEARN TO LOVE THE “NO”
Hearing a lot of no’s, I believe, is what builds character. In fact, there’s no other way to succeed. And there’s so many examples of this in history of successful people who have failed over and over again before they succeeded.
Such as Michael Jordan not making the cut for his high school basketball team.
Jack Canfields best selling book, Chicken Soup for the Soul. It was rejected one hundred and forty four times before it was published.
Most people would have given up after a few rejections, less than ten. So don’t be the guy who is digging for gold but gives up right before he finds it.
Back in the day there was a man named Mr. Darby and he had gold fever. So he went to work in Colorado with a pick and a shovel and it was really hard work. But he had desire and he had persistence. After weeks of labor, he finally found a shining ore but he needed some machinery to bring it to the surface.
So he borrowed a bunch of money from his family and his friends to buy the machinery. When the first car of or was mined and shipped to a smelter. The returns proved that they had one of the richest mines in all of Colorado. A few more cars of that ore would clear all of his debts. Then would come the big killing in profits.
But unfortunately, the vein of gold ore disappeared.
They drilled on and on, desperately trying to find gold, all to no avail. And finally, the sad day came when they decided to quit. So they sold their machinery to a junk man for just a few hundred dollars and they took the train home.
Now, some junk men are dumb, but not this guy.
He called in a mining engineer to look at the mine and do a little calculating. The engineer told the junk man that the project had failed because Mr. Darby was not familiar with fault lines.
Calculations showed that the vein would be found just three feet from where Mr. Darby had stopped drilling. That’s exactly where it was found. The junk man took millions of dollars of ore from the mine because he knew enough to seek expert counsel before giving up.
So, by the way, find an expert to help you before you give up on your journey, man.
And also learn to love the journey, not the destination.
So many of us we feel, oh, when I finally struck gold, then I’ll be happy when I finally get that dream girl, then I’ll be happy.
You need to love the journey along the way and learn to love the NO’s because those are getting you closer to your final destination. In fact, Tom Hopkins in his best selling book, The Art of Selling, says you need to learn to love the NO.
What that means is you need to calculate on average, how many no’s does it take to get to a yes, which is a great thing to do in selling as well as approaching women. Does it take you 10 no’s to get a yes when you’re approaching women as far as 10 approaches to get a date?
If so, then every time you get to know, you say, “Hell yes, I’m getting closer to a date. Only nine more to go.” And you allow that to motivate you to move forward.You say, “Hey, she’s disqualified. So what? I’m getting closer to someone who is qualified.”
If you watch the video above, I also have a bonus mindset towards the end.
That’s all for now, man! See you next time!