approach a shy girl

How To Approach A Shy Girl & Get Her To Open Up

You know, not every beautiful girl is outgoing and extroverted. Some of them are shy. (I personally have seen a lot of shy girls from my time in Asia.)

And lots of guys have trouble approaching the shy, quiet types. They can’t approach a girl that’s shy! That’s why in this video, I’ll show you how to approach SHY girls!

Check it out below.

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How To Approach A Shy Girl & Get Her To Open Up

The Shy girl

The “shy girl” typically shows hesitation to engage in the interaction, which means it’s going to be a bumpy ride trying to get her to talk, let alone give her number to you or go on a date. (Not to worry though, we’ll solve that soon enough)

Many shy girls build barriers to keep men out of their life. There are plenty of reasons for this:

  • Broken family
  • Feeling insecure
  • Feeling unsafe and unsure
  • Low self-esteem
  • Culture and Beliefs

Here’s a quick checklist to know whether or not you’re dealing with a shy girl :

  1. Barely maintains eye contact, keeps staring at the ground
  2. Crosses arms or keeps fiddling with fingers
  3. VERY soft, almost inaudible voice when talking
  4. Prefers to speak in shorter sentences and is close-ended most of the time

We’ll have to break these barriers. Mastering the art of connecting to women will get even the shyest of them to open up. They’ll feel attached to you – and you’ll only have to keep some simple things in mind.

How To Approach A Shy Girl

TIP #1
Match her energy, but the right way.

Mirroring is a powerful Neuro-Linguistic Programming tool to establish rapport with a stranger. You see, humans tend to trust and feel more comfortable around those that seem most like them. When you mirror a persons body language, movements, energy, eye contact, and keywords, it can quickly create a powerful connection, But be careful doing this with a shy girl. You don’t want to mimic her submissive and beta body language and start acting shy, timid or nervous because that’s just not very attractive.

However, approaching her as a loud, high energy alpha will probably scare her away.  

The key is to match her energy. And shy girls are usually lower energy so crank it down a notch or two.  Even if you are at a high energy club and you approach a shy girl, lower your energy at first to make her feel comfortable. Then slowly start bringing it back up to lead her into a more fun outgoing state.

TIP #2
Be comfortable.

You need to feel totally at ease with yourself and with her, even though she might be acting a little strange. A lot of guys get nervous around shy girls because they aren’t sure if she’s into him, so they start second-guessing themselves. Instead, have fun and just talk. I like to warm up before dates.

Be okay with silence, and don’t make it awkward. She might be taking her time to open up, so keep smiling and be comfortable with longer than normal moments of silence.

Here are a few tips to help:

  • Keep a friendly and warm smile and cheerful demeanor.
  • The less threatening you are, the better. But remember to keep a confident tone to your voice and body movements.
  • Maintain some distance when first speaking to her. You want her to feel safe so, limit physical contact at first. Start by reaching out and shaking her hand after a good introduction.

TIP #3
Shy girls tend to talk way less than outgoing girls. So you’ll have to take on the conversational burden and talk more than her.

It’s actually okay to just start talking about yourself. This will get things going and keep things interesting. (But remember to give her a chance to talk, too if she wants.)

Feel free to share your life story with her. This helps her to get to know you and feel more comfortable with you and eventually she’ll start to open up. Hopefully.

If I’m dealing with a woman that is shy I like to show her pictures on my phone. This helps her learn about me and allows us to get closer because I’m sitting next to her. If she feels comfortable sitting close to you then this is a huge step in escalating the interaction. I can also use pictures to escalate sexually.

Always give her the opportunity to speak by asking basic open-ended questions, that she doesn’t have to exert too much mental energy coming up with an answer, like What do you do for fun?or “Do you have brothers and sisters? Tell me about them”.

Once she’s opened up a bit, it’s time to escalate. But I recommend you start slowly and see how she reacts. 

  • Joke around with her gently touching her. You’ll see whether or not she reacts positively to this, and you’ll know if she’s comfortable with that.
  • If she reacts negatively, it’s best to lie back for now and try again later when you’ve established a better rapport. If positive, try experimenting with gradual intimacy like hand to belly, but again fall back if you see a negative reaction.
  • You don’t want to be creepy here! Even though you’re being assertive, remain 100% gentleman so as not to lose her completely. It only takes one creepy mistake (like cracking a personal sex joke way too early or touching her legs too soon) to turn off a shy girl.

If she’s receptive, it means that she’s allowing you to breach her defenses. Shy girls tend to need a little more time to warm up but don’t give up. All you have to do is take it slow, one step at a time!

To help you out with escalating with a shy girl, or with any other girl – we created a “Free Escalation Cheat Sheet” that lists out some of our best ways to spark romantic tension, turn a girl on, and escalate to the bedroom.

It’s filled with Advanced Escalation Techniques that will help you turn a platonic – friendly interaction, into a more – “I want to rip your clothes off” vibe.

This is very useful when you’re talking to a girl, but it’s going nowhere.

Download the Escalation Cheat Sheet for more on what to say to take things to the next level! 

And if you want us to show you how to meet women personallyclick here to check out the live Bootcamp Schedule.

I’m out! Cheers!

Matt Artisan
Intl. Dating Coach & Founder @ The Attractive Man LLC
Matt Artisan is considered one of the World’s Top Dating & Attraction Coaches.

For the last 5 years Matt has personally conducted Live Trainings and Workshops in over 36 countries, helping thousands of men all of the world build confidence and succeed with women.

He has been interviewed by ABC and featured on MTV.
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