how to talk to a woman

How to talk to a woman – 5 Things you should NEVER say

Quit saying this to women, its a big turn off. When understanding how to talk to a woman, you don’t memorize and say everything. Instead, you keep it short, powerful, memorable. Less talk, less mistakes – and these are 5 things you should NEVER say to a woman.

HOW TO TALK TO A WOMAN
5 Things You Should Never Say to Her

Talking to girls shouldn’t be complex. When you want to master how to talk to women, you should always start with yourself, because its not about learning more things to say, its first learning what NOT to say in the first place.

Think about it, would you want to bombard her with all these useless words or lines only to increase your chances of turning her off? (If you keep yapping to her, sooner or later you’re going to say something that completely turns her off!) Or do you want to say the least amount of things with the maximum attraction effect?

All right, let the countdown begin with..

Number 5 – “Where do you want to go on our date?”

I know you’re thinking.. why not? It seems logical. I want to take her to a place that she wants to go so that she’s happy so that she enjoys the date. If I take her to her favorite place, it’s going to be a good date. She’s going to enjoy it.

And yes, logically, that makes sense.

But women don’t want to be the one who decides everything for the date. She wants you to do that. Have you ever heard that a woman likes a man with a plan? She wants a leader, a man who takes charge, who steps into his masculinity and leads the way.

Now, It doesn’t mean that you can’t allow her to make decisions or make choices. When it comes to picking the venue, you can definitely include her in that decision process, but just flat out asking her, “where do you want to go?” Or saying, “What’s your favorite place? I’ll take you.”

It just seems like you’re trying to impress her. It sounds like you have no plan. You have no clue of where to take a woman, which implies you haven’t been on a lot of dates and it’s coming from a place of pleasing. Of neediness.

Not only that, but it puts her in her masculine, which there’s nothing wrong with that, right? If she’s a CEO or something like that, she has to make a lot of decisions. And she’s in her masculine beingness when she’s at work. But when she’s on a date, she wants to be feminine. She just wants to be a long for your plan. She wants you to be a man and take charge. You be the leader. Now it’s fine to ask her, do you prefer this? Or do you prefer that maybe you love to take your dates to sushi and you want to find out if she has a fish allergy or not.

So find out relative information, but you be the one to decide where to go on the date.


Number 4 – “CAN I have your number?”


Asking her if you can have her number implies and presupposes that you don’t know if she’s attracted to you or not, which is why you’re asking the question – basically the definition of a lack of confidence: You don’t believe in yourself.

You don’t believe that this beautiful woman would be attracted to a guy like you. So you have to ask her if you can have her number. It sounds too nice. Again, it sounds like the logical thing to do, but it usually comes off as very unconfident.

Just remove the word “can”.

Instead of saying, “can I have your number” say either “let’s exchange numbers” or say “You seem cool. What’s your number?” When you say “what’s your number” or “let’s exchange numbers” it presupposes that you believe that she likes you, that you believe she’s going to give you her number.

She can still say no, just like if you asked her a question, but it just makes you seem a lot more sure of yourself. And on that note, make sure to say it with certainty.

If your tonality is going up and you see same uncertain she’s probably gonna say no. If you seem really uncertain, even if she gives you her number, when you say it like that, she’s probably not going to text you back.

As a side note, if she says no because she has a boyfriend, or she doesn’t feel comfortable or she doesn’t know you well enough to give out her number.. The main thing is to just remain calm. Don’t say, “why not?” Or start getting mad or upset. Just remain cool. Like it’s no big deal. And instead go for her social media.

Number 3 – “You are sooooo beautiful!!”

Now there’s nothing wrong with giving a woman a compliment and telling her she’s beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, cute, adorable, pretty.

But when you say it like “You are soOoOooo beautiful!” it literally looks like I’m putting her on pedestal. So the key with this phrase is that you say it with confidence, not like she’s above you.

When you give a woman a compliment, especially if that’s the way you’re going to open the conversation, which is a logical way to open a conversation, you should be direct and tell her the truth. The real reason why you’re there, women appreciate it. They appreciate your honesty. And they appreciate the courage that it takes to go do that. Plus if you beat around the Bush and use some indirect, weird pick up artist opener, she knows that you’re there because you’re attracted to her.

So it actually makes you appear less confident, so you have to say it the right way.

She can be attracted to you within seconds, even aroused. Now I know that sounds crazy. You walk up to a woman and tell her she’s beautiful. How is that going to actually make her turned on and aroused. Trust me, man. It can. And it does happen. It’s not every time of course, but oh man, when it does happen, you can feel the electricity. And it’s just pure fire.

Now in our live workshops, when we take guys in field, they pretty much always on day one, too much of that, “please like me” energy and women can feel that and they appreciate the compliment, nevertheless. But of course it’s not a super solid interaction where the girls was melting in front of them.

Until we bring in models and practice the approach over and over again and transform that neediness, “Please like me kind of energy” to “I want you, but I’m cool if I can’t have you” kind of energy. And then it’s literally like night and day, when they start approaching, after they do the model work, you can see the reaction of the women that they approach completely change instead of a nice, like, “Oh thank you for the compliment.” It becomes her amazed and steamy “Wow. Thank you.” And of course, when you see those kinds of reactions over and over again, it’s going to increase your own confidence when it comes to approaching.

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Number 2 – “Can I buy you a drink?”

Hear me out. There’s nothing wrong with buying a woman a drink at a bar, even if you just met her.. But saying that as the first thing that you say to her as your conversation starter is not a good idea because it creates the frame that you’re paying for her time or paying for her attention, which puts your value down and hers up right from the start – which is not the dynamic you want.

If you want to talk to her, just go talk to her. Don’t send her a drink from across the bar or go over and say, “Hey, can I buy you a drink?” You don’t know anything about her. Why the heck would you even want to buy her a drink? It’s kind of like saying “Here! here’s some money! Can I buy five minutes of your time?

No, no, no, never do that. Now. Maybe you’ve done it in the past and you say, “Hey, it works. She talked to me afterwards!” but trust me, man, she didn’t like you. A woman in her twenties is probably not going to say no to a free drink.

So then should you even buy a woman to drink at all? Well, yeah, definitely IF you want to, and IF you’re not using it as a bargaining chip. If you want to get a drink yourself and it’s just the customary thing to do, it’s the social norm to say, “Hey, I’m going to get a drink at the bar, You want one?

There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s even a good way to just move things further by just moving her from one place where you met her to the bar. Cause if she moves away from her friends and comes with you to the bar, then it’s just you and her. You can have a more intimate conversation and make a deeper connection with her.

Number 1 – “Can I kiss you?”

Again, just like asking for her phone number, it’s presupposing that you don’t believe she would be attracted to you, which shows you that you’re just not confident in yourself that you don’t believe women should like you.

I understand why you might do this because you’re trying to save face.

You don’t want to go for a kiss and then she’s turns her head or just says she’s not ready yet. And then it creates all that awkward tension because maybe you just don’t know if it’s the right time to go for it or not. So I get that. Sure.

I’ve gone for the kiss many times and it was the wrong situation, but who cares? It’s better to go for the kiss out of the blue and her say, no, I’m not ready yet or her turn her head or just back up. Know that you’re a man knowing that you go for what you want. In this case, it’s her. Instead of her seeing you as weak and the kind of guy who asks for permission every time he wants to do something, “Can, can I kiss you? “

AND no, no, that definitely doesn’t mean force yourself upon her in any way. Always make sure she’s comfortable. And if you want to go for the kiss, you don’t want to do it out of the blue. You want to say something just to know her and see if she’s ready.

Then instead of asking “can I kiss you” you could just tell her, what do you want to do? Say, “You know, kind of want to kiss you right now.” And just notice her reaction if it’s anything other than no, no, no. Then slowly move forward and go for it. Or you could ask her if she’s a good kisser. “I bet you’re not even a good kisser, but I’m tempted to find out.” And if she says, no, you could still say, “Well, then you need to work on it and still go for the kiss.

You could also ask her if she would like to kiss you, which is a lot more powerful. It presupposes that you think she likes you and you think she wants to kiss you, which presupposes that you believe she wants to kiss you. And if she says, yes, obviously kiss her. If she says, I don’t know, say, “well, let’s find out” and slowly go in for a kiss. And if she says no, then you could just say, well, it seemed like you wanted to, or it seemed like you had something on your mind and then just change the subject.

And by the way, if you ever lean in for a kiss and she pulls away, or you say one of those statements to kind of prime the kiss and she doesn’t seem ready yet, it’s no big deal. It doesn’t mean necessarily that she doesn’t like you. It just means she’s not ready yet. So just don’t be all emotionally affected. Don’t complain about it. Don’t get angry about it and just change the subject, move on. And then try again later that might be later in that date or that might be on the next day.


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Understand that your conversation is immensely important for attraction, because when you get her attention, and you have her in front of you – what you say to women will make or break your chances of getting the attraction right.

You can either attract her with what you have to say, or absolutely turn her off. Which is why Matt and the team has always focused on conversations as part of the crucial attraction triggers – how to talk to women the right way.

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Matt Artisan
Intl. Dating Coach & Founder @ The Attractive Man LLC
Matt Artisan is considered one of the World’s Top Dating & Attraction Coaches.

For the last 5 years Matt has personally conducted Live Trainings and Workshops in over 36 countries, helping thousands of men all of the world build confidence and succeed with women.

He has been interviewed by ABC and featured on MTV.
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