Here are three simple steps you can use to approach beautiful women anywhere at any time that will paint you in the most attractive light possible. With these steps, you can appear very confident. You don’t have to pretend to be somebody you’re not or memorize any lines or routines, or come across as some weird pickup guy.
Most dating coaches and pick-up coaches focus on what to do. Fretting about what you’re saying, how you’re standing… They direct you to say specific things. None of that really matters. What you say is not that important. I can go up to a woman and say, “Hi. I don’t even know what to say right now.” She can start laughing and become attracted to you right away.
It has nothing to do with looks. You may say, “Oh, he is a good-looking guy.” I say thank you for that. But we also have a lot of ‘not-so-good-looking” clients who have amazing results.
What you say and what you do are not that important. The important thing is how you’re being in that moment. That’s what really matters. The important things are your vibe, your energy, how you come across… Or what you think, and how you feel.
Women have something called diffuse awareness, which means they pick up on everything. They notice all the little details in their environment. When you approach them, they pick up on all the little, subtle cues that you give off. They may either show confidence and certainty, or insecurities and shame.
You can have the best pickup line in the world, but that’s not going to matter if you walk up to her with all this doubt in your mind. On the flip side, you can pretty much say nothing and walk up to her with certainty, belief in yourself, radiating confidence and charisma. It can work very well.
One of my favorite things to say is just “Hi. I’m Matt. Who are you?” Simple as that. There is nothing special about this, except for the sub-communications she picks up on. If she’s cute, then you’ll say this one thing. We’ll get into that next.
How To Approach Women, STEP #1: BE BOLD
How to approach beautiful women anywhere?
Let’s get into step number one, which is very important. None of the other steps will even happen if you don’t do step number one.
Your first step is being bold. It may sound simple, but it’s crucial. It’s one of the hardest steps for most guys because when they see a beautiful woman, they hesitate. They second-guess themselves. They get in their head. Instead, they should step into boldness.
Boldness is a minor action of courage. You have to walk up to her because nothing is going to happen if you don’t walk up to her. Don’t be one of those guys who just catcall women and hope that they’ll walk over to him. This never happens. In the history of the human race, I don’t think any woman who has been cat-called went “Oh me? Yes, I’d like to talk to you.” Then she walks up to the guy. It doesn’t happen.
The easiest way to get yourself to be bold and approach her is to stop thinking about the whole thing. When you think about having a conversation, getting her talking, getting her phone number, all these things make it sound very hard. Even though it is not.
Just think of the first step, which is literally taking a step. When you see a beautiful woman, instead of thinking you have to do all these things, just say “Okay, I’ll just walk towards her. Maybe I won’t even talk to her.” You just walk towards her. See if she’s cute. See if you like her. Then, when you get to her, you can decide whether you want to talk to her or not.
I called this the ‘No Pressure Approach,’ because you’re taking all that pressure away. Instead of thinking you have to do all this stuff, say all these things, you’re just saying you’ll walk towards her. The point is you can bail at any moment.
I remember when I was five or six years old, my mom took me to Disneyland. We were waiting for the Magic Mountain Ride. I was screaming and crying because I was scared to go on. She told me, “All you need to do is to wait in line for 30 minutes, and then decide when you get to the top whether you want to ride the ride or not. Just see the ride and see what it’s all about and then decide.” Of course, once I got to the top, still very scared, she somehow talked me into it.
The point is she gave me an option to take the chicken exit. All you have to do is a little bit of boldness. You don’t have to focus on the whole thing and ride the entire ride. Just focus on the first step, which is waiting in line. When it comes to women, it’s taking a step towards them. It’s walking towards them. Then saying something. You might just be introducing yourself. Or telling her she is absolutely gorgeous. Which brings me to step number 2.
How To Approach Women, STEP #2: BE HONEST
Be honest, what’s the real reason you’re going over there to talk to her? Is it to ask for directions? Is it to ask her if she can help you decide on something to buy your niece? Probably not. You’re probably attracted to her. Most guys think they need to hide that fact, which is absurd when you think about it. When you walk up to her, give her a compliment. You tell her, “Look, I saw you over there and I had to come over and meet you because you’re absolutely gorgeous.”
How much is that going to turn her on that you had the courage to say exactly what you think and feel? It shows so much confidence that you believe she’d be attracted to you. Most guys hide their intentions because they don’t think the woman would be interested in them, so they have to use some “covert” way to get their foot in the door. Which women know anyway.
Women are really good at reading your intentions. If you use some backhanded way to approach her, some indirect method or some pickup line you heard somewhere, women can read that you’re full of crap. This is a complete turn-off.
When you can’t own your attraction towards her and you have to lie without owning up to being a man, that’s a big turn-off. When you can just say, “Yeah, I’m a man, and you’re a woman, and I’m attracted to you.” You don’t necessarily have to say it like this, but that’s the underlying context. She’s definitely going to love that even if she’s way better looking than you.
You may not be a very good-looking guy and she can be drop-dead gorgeous. But when you walk up to her with that type of confidence and certainty in your vibe and mannerisms, it shows her that you expect her to like you. It shows her that you date women of her caliber.
If you’re not a good-looking guy, it shows her you must have other things going for yourself. She is not sure what yet, but your courage to approach her might really impress her.
I have a friend who is very short. He is a little over five feet tall. He would walk up to six feet tall women and he would tap them on their heels with his foot. They would look down and see this shorter man there. He would confidently look them in their eyes and talk to them. They would be confused at first. Why is this short guy so confident, thinking a tall woman like me would be attracted to him? But it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. As the saying goes, what you believe, you can achieve.
Just own it. You’re attracted to women. You don’t need to hide it. You don’t need to pretend. Just go up to her and tell her the truth. The real reason you’re approaching her. That will absolutely make her day and she’ll love how confident you are.
How To Approach Women, STEP #3: CONVERSATION
The third step has to do with the conversation. You just told her she was gorgeous and you had to come over and meet her. Then you introduce yourself. Now, what do you do? You need to have a conversation with her. It’s very simple. You just need to be curious about her. Who is she? What is she all about? Will she fit in your world, or not? Does she qualify for somebody you’d want to date?
Stop thinking in long term, as in whether you want a girlfriend or not. Instead, think about this: Do you want to go on a date with her or not? That’s the whole mission of the approach. To make her day and find out if she is cool. Find out if you want to take things further. As simple as that. That might involve asking her some qualification questions to see what she’s all about. You might make some assumptions about her, and she may correct you. The point is you just need to be curious about her.
This doesn’t mean you need to be curious about everything about her, ask her fifty million questions, and interrogate her. That’s not fun for her at all. What I mean is be curious if she fits in your world or not. At this point, you’re not sure about her yet.
She is gorgeous, so what? Looks fade. You want to find out if there’s inner beauty as well. This is going to help you come across as a challenge in a more authentic way. You’re curious about her. You hope she is cool and she would be a good match for you. Quiet frankly, you don’t know yet.
When you walk up to a beautiful woman, and you challenge her: Tell me something that makes you cool. What are you all about? What are you passionate about? Tell me one cool thing about you. This will show her that you have standards. You won’t settle for any beautiful woman. So what? You date beautiful women all the time.
What happens is when you have this attitude that shows you are not sure about her yet, that she can’t win you over with just her beauty, she becomes more attracted to you. Because you’re different than all the other guys she talks to, who are won over immediately because she is so beautiful. These guys have this energy that says, “Please like me. I’d take you anywhere. I’d do anything for you.”
You are the opposite. You take a step back and you look at her because you’re not sure about her yet. This can make her start chasing you. This is not about a certain line or a phrase. Though a lot of the time, you’ll ask her qualification questions, because you’re qualifying her. You don’t know if you want to date her or not. She’s cute, but a lot of girls are cute. You want to find out if she is cool if there is more than meets the eye.
Once you do this, you’ll see beautiful women start lighting up. They’ll start getting nervous trying to think of something to say. In essence, they’re trying to impress you, which is much better than you trying to impress them. That would have the opposite effect. That would push her away. That would come off as you trying to brag and cover up your insecurities. Get her to chase you instead.
How To Approach Women, STEP #4: BE A LEADER
There’s actually a fourth step that’s very important. Once you start thinking that she is a cool girl and you want to go on a date with her, the fourth step is to go on a date with her. You need to take things further and you need to lead. So step number four is to be a leader. Go for their phone number or their social media. Or, in the best case scenario, go for an instant date right there on the spot. Go grab an ice cream or a drink. Go grab a coffee and get to know her.
You always should be leading. Your job as a man is to take things further, to make moves, to escalate the interaction.
If you want me and my team to help you do this, to take you out in the field, and to approach beautiful women with you by role-playing with models. To mic you up and give you feedback on your interactions, then make sure to apply for the live training with me and the team. Click the link in the description. Hopefully, I’ll see you at a boot camp soon.