You know that painful moment when you text a girl you like… and she doesn’t reply. And you’re sitting there like:
- Did she get abducted by aliens?
- Is she playing hard to get?
- Or did she just, GASP!! Leave me on read?!
It’s frustrating, right? That’s exactly how I felt because I was getting ghosted for years until I started implementing these 5 texting rules.
And I became so good at it I wrote a book called Turn Her on Through Text, Starting with Rule number 1 for texting girls is…
Rule 1: Vary Your Response Time
If you’re in the middle of a convo and not busy, go ahead and rapid-fire text back. But if you’ve got stuff to do: Gym, work, world domination—take your time. Even if you see her message, it’s perfectly fine to leave it on read for a few hours.
Hell, sometimes don’t reply at all. That’s right. If she texts you something random like “hi”, don’t feel obligated to respond with “hi how are you” Just put the phone down and get back to her a day or two later. That’ll drive her crazy (in the best way). I don’t mean this as a game I mean this as rule #2…
Rule 2: Don’t Prioritize Her
Do you make this crucial texting mistake? If your entire day revolves around waiting for her text, guess what? She’s gonna feel that, it’s going to make you seem needy.
Keep your phone on silent and only check it a few times a day.
Make your hobbies, goals, and passions the main event of your life. That way, when she asks, “What are you up to?”, you don’t hit her with the dry “Nothing, hbu?”
Instead, you can say:
“Just planning my trip to Iceland…super stoked”
“ Crushed my workout, shower, then rooftop lounge for drinks”
This will have the side benefit of making her wonder who you’re having drinks with. Again, don’t play games just live a dope life.
Rule 3: Don’t Tolerate Her Shit
Most guys make this huge texting mistake, Look, any mildly attractive girl has dudes flooding her DMs 24/7. So, sometimes she’ll mess with you—not to be mean, but just because she’s used to guys being desperate.
Example:
You: “Wanna grab a drink this weekend?”
Her: “Idk, I’ll let you know.”
Translation: I don’t really wanna go out with you, but I like the attention, so I’ll keep you on standby.
Response: Do NOT keep chasing. If she actually wants to hang out, she’ll let you know. Otherwise, move on.
Or, hit her with this: “Cool, let me know because I’m pretty busy.”
This puts the ball in her court, without you looking needy. And then do not text her back for at least one week, if not longer.
Rule 4: The Clever Compliment
This will make her want you badly when you text her this. Most guys overcompliment through text, do not do that it make you seem overly interested. However Girls love compliments—when done right.
In person “you are absolutely beautiful” can work like a sharm because it’s your eye contact and tonality that makes her melt. But texting doesn’t have that so the the key is to Make it specific.
Bad: “You’re hot.” (Cringe.)
Good: “That top you wore when we first met…I’m surprised you didn’t cause a car accident”
Or, reference something she told you earlier that has nothing to do with her looks. Like:
If she’s obsessed with coffee: “Tried the Turkish café you mentioned. Verdict: You definitely know your coffee.”
These show that you actually listen, and that’s attractive as hell. But don’t overdo it—maybe once a week, tops.
Rule 5: Know Your Motive (And ACT On It)
As a dating coach for the past 15 years this is one of the biggest texting mistakes I see my clients make. They overtext. But why did you get her number in the first place? To HANG OUT.
Yet, so many guys just text for weeks without making a move because they’re scared of rejection. Meanwhile, she’s thinking:
“Is this dude ever gonna ask me out, or are we just text pen-pals?”
So, don’t be that guy. Meet up ASAP. If she’s not down, no worries—plenty of other girls are. And this way you find out sooner rather than later.
If you made it this far, then grab my free texting cheat sheet. It shows you exactly how to get a date through texting in fewer than five messages.
Also, if you want me and my team to personally help you through the entire dating process, from the approach to the date to the bedroom, and help you become your most confident and attractive self, DM me on Instagram at @mattartisan or click the blue banner below to apply for our coaching program. Hopefully I’ll see you at a bootcamp soon.
People also ask
The most important texting rules focus on balance, confidence, and intent. You should not over-text, avoid being overly available, and always maintain your own life priorities. Texting should feel natural, not like you are constantly chasing attention or validation.
There is no fixed timing, but the key is to vary your response time naturally. Sometimes reply quickly if you’re free, and other times take longer if you’re busy. This creates a natural rhythm and prevents the conversation from feeling forced or needy.
The biggest mistake is over-prioritizing the conversation and waiting around for replies. When a man makes texting the center of his day, it creates neediness. Women respond better when a man has a full, interesting life outside of texting.
Yes, but only if it’s done in a specific and natural way. Generic compliments like “you’re hot” feel weak and overused. Instead, referencing something unique about her personality, style, or a shared moment creates a stronger emotional impact.
The best approach is to move from texting to meeting in person as soon as possible. Texting should only build basic comfort—not replace real interaction. If the conversation is going well, it’s better to suggest meeting early rather than staying stuck in endless chats.