My name is Matt Artisan from the Attractive Man team and are you tired of boring small talk that leads nowhere?
Well hold on tight man because I’ve been coaching guys for over 15 years on how to get dates with women that they actually like.
And I’m going to reveal the secrets to turning small talk into something sexy and a lot more intimate.
Trust me man, turning her on is not as difficult as you might think.
Now I know what you might be thinking, small talk, sexy, how is that even possible?
But hear me out.
When you know how to make small talk interesting and flirty, let’s just say your dating life is going to be a lot more interesting as well.
Now forget about trying to memorize banter lines or looking up interesting conversation starters.
What matters is how you make her feel.
It doesn’t really matter what you say.
What matters is how you make her feel.
So ditch the idea that there’s some specific lines that you have to say to spark attraction.
You can create attraction with just a simple hello.
because attraction is built based on how you make her feel, not specific words you say.
For example, on our live in-person workshops, we actually bring in models for the guys to interact with and role play with.
And one of the exercises that they have to do is turn her on with just the word hi.
So how do you make a woman feel turned on through small talk?
The key for turning her on in a way that doesn’t come off creepy or platonic is for you to simply be turned on yourself.
She needs to feel your attraction towards her, which is going to come out in your tonality, your eye contact, how close you are to her, how slow you’re speaking, because she can tell that you’re enjoying every minute of it.
Now, it’s kind of hard to show you how to do that here.
But here’s something easy that you can do and women absolutely love it.
let her know what your intentions are
Depending on the situation, cut the small talk out altogether and just be direct and honest and flat out, let her know exactly what your intentions are.
A mistake that most guys make is they pretend to be nice and friendly when really they want to be romantic and intimate.
So just let her know what your intentions are, that you’re romantically interested in her by giving her a genuine, compliment.
Now I know a lot of coaches out there will say, oh, that gives away your power or that only works if you’re already good looking, but that’s all trash.
It actually shows your power because it shows that you’re confident.
It shows that you’re vulnerable enough to have the courage to say something so direct and honest, knowing that she could just flat out reject you.
And so what if she does?
plenty of other girls out there.
And trust me, man, women want to meet the authentic version of you.
They don’t want to meet the pickup guy using all the tricks and manipulative tactics.
She does not want to meet him.
That’s her biggest fear to be manipulated into bed.
She wants to meet the real genuine authentic you.
man up, tell her you like her
And if you’re walking up to her with the intention of starting a conversation because she’s attractive, then it’s pretty obvious that should be the reason you start the conversation, not beating around the bush.
How attractive is that?
guy who has to talk about some other stuff and pretend like he doesn’t like her.
No, man up.
Tell her you like her.
But it’s all about how you do it.
You can do it in a very weak way that is not going to make her attracted to you.
It’s just going to sound supplicating and needy, or you can do it in a very grounded masculine way that can turn her on.
Now, sometimes you can’t just tell a girl that you’re attracted to her based on the situation.
Some situations, it’s just not appropriate.
Like at work or church or your grandma’s 90th birthday party.
If you’re sitting next to her in class or you’re in an elevator with someone, it’s a little weird to just turn to them and say, Hey, you’re pretty cute.
Michael Machalko said “paying attention to the world around you will help you develop the extraordinary capacity to look at mundane things and see the miraculous.”
So instead make an observation about something in the environment or something they’re wearing.
And you can get really good at this by making it a habit to strike up conversations with literally anybody using observations to really hone the skill.
For example, maybe you notice price of your favorite cookies has gone up since the last time you bought them.
Can literally just mention that to somebody around you, which could lead to further conversations about cookies or prices or the economy.
And boom, you’re in a conversation.
And even if the other person doesn’t say anything back, so what?
Not everybody’s going to want to have a conversation.
It’s no big deal.
It’s about creating a quick connection
Now the question remains, what do you do to make sure your small talk isn’t awkward or makes her feel creeped out?
but instead builds a connection.
Imagine the wise words of Epictetus echoing in your mind.
“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.“
Small talk is not about showcasing yourself.
It’s just about creating a quick connection where she feels comfortable and eager to open up even just a little bit.
You may have to talk in the first minute or two, but eventually let her be the star of the show.
Because as she starts to reveal more and more about herself, connection with you.
And trust me man, getting a girl to talk about herself isn’t rocket science.
Make assumptions
It’s as simple as asking thoughtful follow-up questions.
Simply search for the reason she did something, aka her motivation, or the feelings behind it.
How did it make her feel?
For example, she mentions that she’s originally from Texas but recently moved to Los Angeles.
Don’t stop there, dive deeper and find out what motivated her to make such a big move.
And here’s what’s heard that people love talking about themselves, which is definitely true.
But the one thing they love more than talking about themselves is hearing about themselves.
Especially hearing what other people think about them.
So instead of just asking why did you move to LA, you could say I bet you moved to LA to be an actress.
Am I right?
Because you have like this artsy creative vibe about you.
And if you’re right, she’s gonna be totally impressed. And if you’re wrong, she’ll simply correct you and still…
give you the right answer.
These kinds of questions and assumptions really break through the surface level chit chat and allow you to truly understand and connect with her.
Nozer Kanga said, “positive thoughts, words and actions create positive feelings. Positive feelings generate positive energy.“
Flirty energy is like a magnet
Here’s a little secret.
Flirty energy is like a magnet.
No matter how mundane the conversation topic might be, your flirty energy will make it exciting and engaging for her.
For example, if you met a girl… at the mall and you walked up to her, maybe you gave her a compliment and introduced yourself, instead of afterwards just saying what are you up to, you could say it in a much flirtier way, what are you up to right now besides hitting on cute guys at the mall?
And then she might banter back and be like what are you talking about, you’re the one hitting on me.
Then after that you could say well yeah I guess that’s true but look at what you’re wearing, I mean how can a guy walk by without saying anything?
It’s basically all your fault that I came up to.
See how that’s way more lively and flirtatious than just asking her a bunch of boring questions?
Don’t interrogate her
Don’t just interrogate her with a barrage of fact-finding information seeking questions.
I know we’re guys, we’re logical and that’s just what we do.
That’s why you need to practice inserting some playful fun flirtatious banter into your interactions and trust me man she’ll be hooked.
and she’ll want to keep flirting back.
Wayne Gretzky said, “you miss a hundred percent of the shots you don’t take.“
So practice with as many people as possible.
The awkwardness of small talk, whether it’s when you first approach a girl or whether it’s on a date, will cease to exist the more you prepare for it.
And the best way to get prepared is to practice in low stakes scenarios.
So again, like I said before, strike up conversations with anybody and everybody.
Whether it’s the barista at Starbucks, or your waiter, or you’re in line to buy some groceries.
There’s somebody in front of you and maybe somebody behind you because when you’ve practiced with all these other people and you see yourself becoming more and more comfortable with the cashier or the neighbor or the bouncer at the bar you go to, you’ll become more relaxed and self-assured when it comes to approaching a beautiful woman that you like or going on a date with a girl you like and she’ll pick up on your calm.
confidence and be a lot more likely to open up and engage in the conversation.
This is why in our mentorship program, we have weekly opportunities for you to practice your conversational skills with our trained female dating coaches, and they can give you feedback so you can really improve quickly.
don’t forget to ask her out
And finally, don’t forget to ask her out, man.
Look, even if you weren’t honest and direct with your intentions right away, because, you know, maybe she’s next to you in an airplane, which would just be weird.
Well, getting a girl’s contact information, you’ve casually chit-chatted at least communicates to her that you think she’s interesting and that you want to talk to her again.
So take every opportunity to be social and don’t forget to ask for her Instagram or other social media or just go straight for her phone number which really makes it clear that you want to connect with her again.
And if she doesn’t want to give you her contact information don’t sweat it.
At least you got some practice.
Now if you approached her in a direct honest manner, like I teach you guys, whether it’s randomly at a bar or in the middle of the daytime, see if she’s free right now and go on an instant date with her right then and there.
Remember in most everyday scenarios, you can bypass the small talk altogether and just cut right to the chase and be direct and honest, which saves you a ton of time and shows her that you’re the type of man who goes for what he wants.
And in other situations where she sits down next to you, you can still start the interaction with her using small talk, which can still lead to an intimate interaction and even a relationship.
As long as your body language and actions communicate interest at some point better sooner than later.
So you don’t end up in the friend zone.
So keep escalating the connection that you’ve created, ask it deeper and more intimate questions and good follow up questions to find out the motivation or emotion behind the things that she’s into.
Remember to use assumptions as well because everybody loves to hear about themselves and don’t forget to turn it flirty and move that platonic vibe into something a lot more intimate.
And if you’d like some help to become better at approaching women, then make sure to download my free approach blueprint so that you always know what to do and what to see when you see a beautiful woman, no matter what the situation.
So you can get a lot more dates with women that you actually want.
Download it man it’s absolutely free there’s a link to the right of this video and down in the description and again it’s totally free.
My name’s Matt Artisan from the Attractive Man coaching team.
Make sure to check out our entire coaching schedule around the world.
And I hope to see you at a workshop soon.