I’ll reveal the five steps I use to rewire my brain and completely overcome the fear of approaching women.
Look, I used to have crippling approach anxiety—so bad that I remember going to the mall with the intention of approaching girls, seeing one in a store, waiting for her to come out, and then literally running in the other direction when she started walking toward me.
In college, I only approached one girl during my five years there, and that was only because she gave me the unmistakable “I want you” look.
Fast forward to now: I’ve approached over 5,000 women, dated countless of them, and am happily married to an amazing woman. Plus, I’ve helped thousands of clients conquer their own approach anxiety.
I didn’t start out like this. I used to avoid talking to anyone. There were moments when I would go out with the sole goal of just saying hi to people, but because of all the pressure, I didn’t. For five years, I was in a complete dry spell: no dates, no kisses, no sexual interactions whatsoever.
Step 1: Understand That Women Want to Be Approached
No woman wakes up saying, “God, I hope I don’t get swept off my feet today.”
When I first started approaching women, especially in everyday situations, I looked like a deer in headlights. I thought I was bothering them. I’d go up and say, “Hey, real quick, I hope I’m not bothering you, but…” and then deliver some weird, indirect pickup line I’d heard somewhere.
Of course, my results weren’t great—until I started rewiring my brain by telling myself, “Women love to be approached.” That shift made a huge difference. My approaches improved, and I noticed how much women loved it.
Even women in relationships or married would respond positively, saying things like:
“I have a husband, but you made my day. Keep doing this!”
As long as you approach women the right way, they’ll appreciate your effort.
Step 2: Accept That Rejection Is Inevitable
Even though most women will light up when approached correctly, the truth is it won’t work out with most of them.
Some will have boyfriends, be in a hurry, or simply not be into you. And that’s okay. It’s not a reflection of your self-worth.
Think about it: Out of 10 women you see, how many are you genuinely attracted to? Maybe one or two? So wouldn’t it be fair to expect the same from women you approach?
Every rejection brings you one step closer to finding someone compatible.
Step 3: Work Your Way Up
When I first started, I approached and went on dates with women who didn’t meet my current standards. Why? To widen the pool and get comfortable with the entire dating process—approaching, texting, going on dates, and escalating.
As my skills and confidence grew, so did my standards.
If you’re just starting, don’t put pressure on yourself to have the perfect conversation or outcome. Start small. For example:
- Say hi to anyone—a guy, an elderly person.
- Ask people for directions.
- Once comfortable, ask attractive women for directions.
From there, you can build up to having conversations and getting contact information.
Step 4: Be Radically Honest
I once had a client, Alex, a 26-year-old virgin. During a workshop in Budapest, I told him to be radically honest.
He approached a woman, and when she asked why he was in Budapest, he replied, “I’m on a dating workshop. That’s my coach over there.”
She responded, “You don’t seem like you need a dating coach.”
Alex didn’t stop there. He admitted, “Not really. I’m 26, and I’m still a virgin.”
Her reaction? She wasn’t turned off—in fact, she was intrigued. Alex ended up losing his virginity to her that night, and she later told him she loved how honest and refreshing he was.
The takeaway: Women appreciate authenticity.
Step 5: Use the Pleasure-Pain Principle
We’re wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. The reason you have approach anxiety is that you associate approaching with potential pain—embarrassment, rejection, etc.—while staying in your comfort zone feels safe.
But you can flip this dynamic.
For example, after a particularly bad interaction where I got kneed in the groin at a bar, I told myself, “Nothing can be worse than this.”
That shift motivated me. I approached two women immediately after and, despite using a terrible line, ended up getting a date with one of them.
When you associate approaching with pleasure (potential dates, relationships, etc.) instead of pain, you’ll feel motivated to take action.
Final Thoughts
Every approach is a win. Even if you get rejected, you gain confidence, courage, and experience. Each attempt makes you bolder and more attractive.
You can’t overcome approach anxiety by watching videos—you need to take action. If you need guidance, book a call with us. We’ll help you overcome your fears, gain confidence, and achieve your dating goals.
Click the link below, and we’ll work with you to help you become the best version of yourself.