As I was walking through the hustling Market in Nicaragua, I realized that most people HAVE NO IDEA how to connect with another person and win them over (In a business or romantic sense).
This morning I decided to take a stroll through the market in Leon, Nicaragua and find some breakfast. This market is full of life. Immediately when you approach it, there is a noisy commotion of cars honking, people whistling, latin music blasting, and vendors barking.
The market is jam packed with rows and rows of hundreds of vendors selling everything from flip-flops, fresh-sliced mangos, toys, and cow liver. There is hardly any room to walk and there is so much going on, my mind was racing trying to absorb all the surrounding chaos. It has a stench of raw meat that penetrates through the air. Not my idea of a relaxing morning, but it is interesting to see it and a treasure chest if you are looking for cheap food.
This particular morning, I was on a mission for cheap and good breakfast. One of the first things you’ll notice as a foreigner walking through the market, is that EVERY VENDOR is barking at you trying to sell you their goods. I see the nicaraguan version of a food court and head towards the aisle, looking for a tasty dish to soothe my hunger.
Once they noticed I was a foreigner looking for food, the vendors came at me like a pack of wolves, hungry for my money. No joke. As I walked through the aisle, they would aggressively yell, “Hey handsome, what are you looking for?” (In spanish of course).
Some would command me to come over and eat, one lady grabbed my bicep from behind with her wet hands, and another man tried to grab me and bring me over to his kitchen.
As they kept yelling at me, my mind and body shifted into defensive mode and I was no longer open to buying any of their food. My mind literally was drowning them out because they all sounded “the same.”
At that moment, I knew exactly what it feels like to be a beautiful woman walking through a club, with all the guys barking at her trying to get in her pants. With all the guys bombarding her and eye-f**king her, she immediately becomes defensive. She dismisses and deflects every guy that approaches her. This is why meeting women at bars requires a different approach than meeting them at a coffee shop.
So where did I end up eating? Which vendor won over my business?
I kept on walking, still being defensive, and then came across this one lady who was able to completely disarm me, show me what she had to offer and get me to sit down at her table and eat.
How did she do it?
She did several things right that I will explain…
1. SMILE
She smiled and greeted me, while looking directly into my eyes. Most people don’t realize how disarming a smile can be. All the other vendors were yelling at me with stern look on their face, hoping I would choose them. She simply said, “Hi, what are you looking for?” but it was how she said it that was different. The main difference was the smile on her face.
2. Empathize
When she looked into my eyes, and smiled, I felt a sense of connection… like she knew what I was feeling. All the other vendors made me feel like they just wanted my money. (I understand she does too, however, because she saw me as a person, I wanted to give my money to her).
3. Lead
The woman that grabbed my arm with her wet hands was trying to lead but it was too aggressive. The lady that won my business, led with a smile even though I was not smiling and actually, I probably had a very stern look on my face. The other vendors were looking at me and waiting for my reaction. If I would have smiled, they would have smiled. That is the flat out the wrong approach.
The person who approaches or initiates the conversation MUST lead with a smile. This applies equally to seducing women and a HUGE mistake guys make. You see, when guys approach women, they usually have a neutral look on their face because they are waiting to see the reaction of the girl. They are waiting for “her approval” of him. From her reaction, they want to know if it is okay for him to be there.
In reality, she is looking at your facial expression to see if your presence is welcome. If you look worried or nervous when you approach, she will feel weirded out. If you look calm, peaceful, and happy, she will feel that too and your approach will be much more welcome.
4. Be Vulnerable
In your interactions with people, being vulnerable is the MOST effective way to CREATE A CONNECTION.
How do you do it with a woman? Share something honest and true about you with the other person. When you are talking to a woman, reveal something to her that you don’t share with most people. She will appreciate it and immediately feel like she can trust you.
These four principles will help you maneuver social situations. Remember, lead with a smile, empathize with the other person, and be vulnerable.