Today’s content is all about Texting a Woman. So Make sure to read this before you text her!
The rules have changed my friend, and after sending thousands of text messages and selling countless copies of my book, Turn Her On Through Text, I can tell you that if she’s not texting you back, it’s probably because of one of the following mistakes that almost every guy makes.
When you learn how to text girls the right way that I’m about to show you, it’ll set you apart from all the other guys that are texting her. When you’re texting a woman like this.. She’ll text you back faster. She’ll text you first and you’ll be the guy she chooses and all the other guys she’s texting will be left high and dry.. Ghosted!
I’m going to give you 15 crucial texting do’s and don’ts including how not to be needy and turn her off.
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TEXTING A WOMAN
15 Updated Rules To Follow
15 – STOP BEING NEEDY
Honestly, this could be a lot higher on the countdown, but in fact, all of these are so important – stop being needy. There are two ways that guys commonly come off as too needy..
Number one is texting a woman too much, texting all the time. I mean, come on, man, you’re a busy guy. You’re on your purpose. You have a mission in life. It’s not to be sending her text messages all the time and getting that little hit of dopamine every time you hear that ding on your phone. So what you need to do is just keep your phone on silent and only check your phone a few times at specific times, every single day, instead of always texting a woman back right away and sending her tons of messages, be doing your thing, just be focused on your job, your passions.
And when you check your phone a few times a day, that’s when you reply back. So what if she has to wait a few hours? Let her wonder what you’re doing now. I’m not saying that as a manipulation tactic, where you see her texts and you say, “Ooh, I got to wait two hours to text her back.” I’m saying, don’t even check your phone. So that way you’re just naturally going to text her back two hours later.
Sometimes it will be right away because she sent you a text and you happened to be checking your phone. Other times she’s going to have to wait.
The second way guys are needy is they just send really long text messages, have rambled, and even gone for 18 pages.
Look at the text before you send it and just think to yourself, is there any way I can shorten this? Do I really have to send three sentences? Can I just say that in one sentence? Cause imagine you text her and she looks at her phone and she sees all these messages in a row from you, or maybe it’s just one big message from you if just met you and she doesn’t really know much about you, then she’s just going to assume that you’re needy.
So in general, just keep your text short and to the point, double check it before you send it.
14 – CHAMELEON APPROACH
The chameleon matches his environment. Now I’m not saying you should match exactly how she texts you. When you’re texting a woman, It’s not about mirroring exactly, or using the exact words or the same exact amount of emoticons or texting her back the exact length of time that it took her to text you back just like a command.
The chameleon doesn’t change into a rock or tree. He just kind of matches his environment. So I want you to kind of match her texting style.
If she’s sending you really long texts, then feel free to write a little bit longer. If she texts you back right away, then feel free to text her back a little bit quicker. This is kind of like the exception to the previous rule. She’s using tons and tons of emoticons – then feel free to use a few more..
But don’t turn into a chick. Don’t overdo it. Just notice her texting vibe, her texting style and match it just a little bit, because we feel more comfortable and we like people that are like ourselves.
When you’re being totally different, like she sends you these long, long texts and you send her one word replies and she texts you back right away. But you wait 10 hours? There’s going to be so much of a disconnect. She’s going to feel like you guys are totally not on the same page and you’re probably not going to get a date with her.
So don’t copy.. Don’t mirror.. Just match her texting style.
13 – DON’T BE BORING
Don’t bore her to death. I knew a really attractive girl and she had a crush on this guy that she worked with. And finally he asked for her number and she was all excited. And then the next day he sent her a text:
“Hey.” She immediately lost interest but she gave him the benefit of the doubt. And she sent a reply like, “Hey, what’s up?” And he wrote back “Not much, you?” And she told me that her attraction for him died after just two or three text messages.
Don’t let that happen to you. Keep your text short, like I said earlier, but I think you can be a little bit more original than “Hey” or “What’s up” or “What are you doing?” In fact, never send a one word text. You’re smarter than that. You’re more clever than that. I know you can come up with something better and if you’re struggling, you want to have your texts fun, flirty a little bit cheeky so that when she sees a text from you, she’s smiling and she’s enjoying it. And she’s looking forward to your next text.
And along with not boring her to death, is always use proper spelling and grammar. Unless of course you’re using the chameleon approach. Other than that, spell out your words. Don’t use a “u” to replace the word “you”, because that’s like texting like a 13 year old girl.
You’re better than that, man. If she sees all these cheesy abbreviations and you’re missing periods and you’re not capitalizing words and you’re misspelling words, what is she going to think about you?
All she knows about you are the words that you’re sending on the screen. You could be a freakin’ genius, but if you’re texting her like a little kid, she’s going to think that there’s not much up there next.
12 – GIRLS WILL FLAKE YOU AND GO COLD
Girls will flake. It’s just the way it is. And they will go cold sometimes. And I know how frustrating it is. You really like this girl. She’s so pretty. And then you don’t hear back from her. And I know what it’s like, man. It sucks.
You meet a girl. Maybe you approach the girl you got out of your comfort zone. You risked embarrassment. You had this great interaction. You felt the sparks flying and then she doesn’t reply to your first text. Or maybe she does reply.. You have a little exchange back and forth. And then all of a sudden.. Where the heck did she go? She’s gone.
And so you text her again, no reply. And then maybe even texts her a third or fourth. Hopefully not a fifth and sixth time. Cause chances are, she’s not going to reply. You got to understand, man. It’s just the way it is. Sometimes women are not going to text you back.
Oftentimes they actually do it as a test. They want to see, are you really as cool as you seem or are you going to get all butthurt and all worried and freak out when she doesn’t text you back for a day?
Because trust me, man, some guys freak out just because the girl didn’t text him back. He sends text after text, after text, “What happened?” “What did I say wrong?” “What are you doing?” He goes through all these emotions. Then he starts getting mad at her.
Don’t be that guy. She wants to make sure that you’re a cool grounded man. That just because she doesn’t text you back or she texts you the wrong thing or she says no, the first time you ask her on a date or she even flakes on the date, that you’re not going to freak out that you are a calm grounded man.
Think about it.. If you freak out just because she doesn’t text you back, it means you only have one option that you’re putting all your eggs in her basket and that you really, really, really like her. That’s why you’re so mad that she’s not reciprocating that attraction back, which is basically the definition of needy.
It means you have no options.
So you need her and you’re latching onto her and freaking out when it doesn’t work out. So what if one or two fall off the radar? You have other options. And if you don’t have other options right now, ask yourself, “Why not?” Is it because you’re struggling with meeting women and approaching women in real life?
If that’s the case, man, we can help you out. We have all sorts of boot camps all around the world where we take guys in the field and show them exactly how to walk up and approach beautiful women in a way that is confident, smooth, and a way that women absolutely adore.
It’s awesome to see the women light up and just melt in front of a charming, attractive man, such as yourself.
11 – SENDING NAUGHTY TEXTS TOO SOON
Oh, man.. we’ve all done this one; Sending sexual texts too soon. Now this could be high risk high reward in that – If she reciprocates the sexuality, then hey, it’s game on.
But it’s risky, man, because there’s no body language or tonality through texting a woman, she can easily misinterpret whatever sexual innuendo or sexually charged texts that you sent her wrong way. And it can just totally creep her out unless you do it the right way.
If you want to get her all hot and bothered, whether you just met her or you’ve been texting her for a long time – do it in a way that’s very safe so that she won’t think that you’re a freak or a creep because you’re going to use the same seductive language that women absolutely devour in romance novels.
Now in today’s day and age, it seems like nobody talks on the phone anymore, right? Everybody’s texting, which is why you need to get her on the phone because it will set you apart from all the other guys that are texting her.
Think about it. She’s texting 20 other guys. And honestly, if she’s an attractive woman, that might be the case, but the only guy she actually had a real on-the-phone conversation with is you, who do you think she’s going to want to go on a date with? Who’s she going to feel more comfortable with, who is she going to feel like she knows better?
Because she’s going to hear your tonality. She’s going to be able to sense your vibe and what kind of guy you are just from a short phone conversation. Texting, which is just words, accounts for only about 7% of communication. The rest is body language and tonality.
Once you have a short conversation with her on the phone, she’s more likely to say yes to you because she’ll feel like she just has a better sense of who you are as long as the phone conversation was pretty good. If you get on there and you’re all nervous and you don’t know what to say, and there’s all these awkward silences then yeah, you’re pretty much just shooting yourself in the foot.
Also, you need to set up the phone call the right way. You cannot just call her out of the blue nowadays. So I created an entire video that shows you exactly how to call girls in today’s day and age. You can check that out in the video below or HERE.
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Make sure to watch it, man, because if you can master calling women on the phone nowadays, you have a huge advantage.
10 – SEND HER COOL AND AMAZING PICTURES
They say a picture is a thousand words because you can only convey so much emotion or spark so much emotion in her through words, but with a picture you can do a whole lot more.
For example, when texting a woman, you can show her what you’re doing that day. You can give her a little insight into your life. Some of your passions, or if you’re into working out, you can send her a picture when you’re all pumped up at the gym that might even turn her on a little bit.
Don’t look like you’re bragging, man. Bragging is never a turn on.
One way that I like to do it is by using a cliffhanger text, which is just the text that implies there’s more to the text and it kind of leaves her hanging, right? Like you’re hanging off the end of the cliff, get it? Cliffhanger.
For example, “You know what kind of animal you remind me of?” “…” She will always respond to that. Cause she wants to know. And then I just sent her a picture of the animal and she’ll be like, “Oh, it’s so cute!”
9 – GO FOR THE DATE ON A HIGH NOTE
Next I recommend that you always go for the date on a high note. What that means is that anytime you escalate, the interaction escalates just means you’re going to the next level going for the first date is the next level in the interaction.
If you do it at a low note, for example, just out of the blue, you don’t know what kind of emotional state she’s in. She could have had a horrible day and then you text her, “Hey, let’s hang out.” And by the way, never text her “let’s hang out,” have an actual plan.
But if you go for it while she’s not in a great mood, she’s likely to say no, but if you’ve been texting back and forth and you’ve been using some of the texts out of my Texting Cheat Sheet and she’s laughing and she’s loving the back and forth texting exchange, and then you go for a date on a high note, she’s a lot more likely to say yes to the date.
8 – END THE BACK AND FORTH FIRST
What that means is if you’re texting a woman back and forth, like you’re kind of having a conversation. You know, she texts you back. You text her back every couple minutes, ping-pong back and forth.
YOU end it first. Why? Because you’re a busy guy. And I don’t mean just pretend you’re a busy guy that you got to go and you have nothing to do. Actually have a life, have to do you, man. You don’t have time to send her 50 text messages back and forth. So after a few back and forth, end it first, just tell her what you got to do.
“Hey, I just got to the gym. I’ll text you later.” Or “Hey, I just got to the gym. I’ll call you at eight. Will you be free?” And then set up a phone call. If she’s constantly the one that ends the texting conversation, it’s putting her in charge. It’s putting her in the lead and it seems like you have nothing better to do.
Like she’s the busy one and you’re the one chasing her. Now, if you can’t end it first, she tells you she’s got to go. No big deal. It’s not the end of the world. Don’t freak out just as a general rule. Try to end the interaction first. And the easiest way to do that is just have a busy life.
7 – GHOST HER / GIVE HER SOME SPACE
Next is kind of on the same token, but a little bit different. It can come off a little manipulative, but this not what I’m intending. Hopefully you don’t take this the wrong way..
You can ghost her.
Now let me back up. I don’t mean completely ghost her and you disappear forever. What would be the point of that? Don’t do that. What I mean is just give some space in the interaction.
If you, on average, text her every day, then stop texting her for a day or two. If you on average text her every other day then stop texting her for like three, four, five days. This is really going to make her think about you.
Assuming she likes you, she’s going to be wondering what’s going on. “Why isn’t he texting me back?” And she’s going to be thinking about you a lot.
People actually fall in love with one another not while they’re together necessarily, but when they are apart, when they’re thinking about the other person.
Don’t do this as a manipulative tactic. Just do this as a way to give your relationship, your newly found relationship, probably – some space. Just to see what happens. Does she text you after a day and just notice, maybe she’ll become the one that texts you back first. And if she doesn’t text you first, no big deal. Just restart the texting conversation.
You can chastise me all you want, but this technique flat out works for texting a woman. And I don’t want you to do it like, “Okay, I’m going to stop texting her.” I just want you to be busy. Don’t make texting a woman your number one priority. Go do something. Go camping for a couple of days, go on a weekend trip with your family. Again. What it all comes down to is being a guy with purpose. A guy who’s on his mission in life.
He’s got sh*t going on besides texting one particular girl that he just met. I’m not saying you should do this to your wife or girlfriend. No, I’m talking about a girl that you just met or maybe you’ve only been on one or two dates with her. It’s very early in the relationship. This can even sometimes speed the relationship up to the next level.
6 – BE PERSISTENT
Now this has all happened to us. We’ve all had women I assume that have ghosted us or just started going cold and didn’t text back. The key is to be persistent, man.
Keep the texting a woman fun and playful. Like I said earlier, don’t freak out. Don’t start giving her a bunch of sh*t just because she didn’t reply back. Or even if she doesn’t say yes to the date right away, don’t get all needy and give her ultimatums. In fact, I just had a client who was texting his girl that he really, really liked.
He was using word for word, text messages from Turn Her On Through Text. So the interaction was going awesome. She was texting him first. She seemed really excited to text and to eventually see him.
But when he asked her out, she said she was busy that weekend. And so instead of just being a cool guy and saying, “Okay, no big deal.” and keep texting and then try to go for a date next weekend, he got all affected and he sent something like, “Look, I don’t want to play games with you. I like you. If you don’t want to see me, then let’s just stop talking to each other!“
Don’t do that, man. Just be persistent. Nothing’s a big deal. Just try again. In fact, even if she stops texting you, don’t just give up just because she didn’t reply to your last texts.
Maybe she’s busy. Maybe she forgot. Maybe she’s texting other guys. That’s pretty likely, but guess what? Those other guys will likely shoot themselves in their foot. Don’t do that to yourself. Just be persistent. Wait a couple of days and try again.
The next couple of tips are really juicy, man. So pay attention, take good notes.
5 – GET HER SOCIAL MEDIA
Nowadays, man, I highly recommend you get her on social media if you’re texting a woman. If you don’t have social media, it’s not the end of the world. I get it, man.
It’s addictive. And maybe you want to go down that rabbit hole. Cool. But if you got Facebook, Tinder or Snapchat, or if you’re watching this someday in the future, whatever is next, make sure to use it because you can stay on her radar a lot more.
One time I met this girl exchanged numbers and I hadn’t gone back to that city and hit her up for four years because I was in a relationship. And when my relationship ended, I went back to that city and a girl was really pretty. So I hit her up and guess what? When we met up for the date, she was like, “Wow, I’ve seen all your traveling. I know you went here and you did this..” It was surprising she knew everything that happened in the last four years because she was following me on Facebook.
Now imagine she wasn’t following me on Facebook. I only had her phone number and then I texted her four years later. She’d be like, “Oh, why is this guy texting me? I barely remember him.” So again, it goes back to having a cool life. If you have a cool life, post your pictures on social media and then every girl you meet, add them to your social media.
You can just text them on social media. However, when I meet a woman in person, I first get her social media. I use what’s called a “yes ladder.” I say, Hey, do you have social media at sea? She says, yes. I say, cool Instagram. She says, yes, that’s two yeses. Then I say, cool, write it down here. And she writes it in the contact app on my phone. And then after she’s done writing her Instagram handle, I say, cool, write your phone number as well.
And they usually say yes, because I’m starting with a small yes and I’m building up to a bigger yes. Hence the name “Yes ladder.” And the reason I get both is because I’d rather text her through standard SMS texting because chances are, she doesn’t have as many guys hitting her up using her phone number on standard SMS.
And if she has a public social media profile, then chances are, she has a lot of guys hitting her up if she’s a really attractive woman. So when you first meet her, get her phone number and her social media, make sure of course she’s following you. Then you have the best of both worlds.
4 & 3 – GO FOR THE DATE QUICKLY + MAKE YOUR MOVE
Next is one of the biggest mistakes I see when I’m working with a client one-on-one or in a bootcamp with regard to texting a woman. And I look at their phone, I’m looking at their texting conversations. I’m scrolling like this, I see all this back and forth.
And it’s usually pretty good because they’re using texts from Turn Her On Through Text, but they’re not asking her out. And one time I spoke at an event that had a lot of women in the audience and I asked the women, what’s the biggest challenge or gripe that you have towards men when it comes to dating.
They were all in consensus that they were frustrated that men don’t make the move. And they specifically said during the texting interaction, they’re texting back and forth and the girls are frustrated because the guy never asks them out or he just waits too long..
I know we live in a modern feminized world where women want to be just as equal as men. And you know, women should be asking out men, but quite frankly, women are still feminine and they want a man to be a man and take the lead and take charge and ask her out.
Stop waiting for her to ask you out because it’s probably not going to happen. So use those text messages and go for a date quicker rather than later. And if she says, no, remember: be persistent. It’s no big deal. Keep texting back and forth and try again. Now there is a fine line of being persistent versus being overly eager or needy. And it really just takes practice finding where that fine line meets.
If you’re unsure, veer on the side of not over texting a woman.
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2 – USE THE YES LADDER
The “Yes ladder” technique is a way to kind of program somebody’s brain. You get them saying small yeses before you go for the big yes.
Smart salespeople use this technique all the time. Instead of saying, “Would you like to buy this car?” They go for a smaller yes like, “Do you like this car?” “What do you like about the car?” “Would you like to drive the car?”
So you can use the same principle when it comes texting a woman and going for a date, instead of just saying, “Hey, would you like to go out with me sometime?” – Nothing wrong with that, but it’s kind of generic and it’s going for a big, yes. Instead say something like, “Do you like ice cream?” She’ll probably say yes.
Then as long as she’s not new in town, you can ask her if she knows of a specific, popular ice cream shop, like “Have you ever been to frosted cones on Elm street?” And she’ll say, yes, I love that place. And then it leads you right into asking her out.
Now you have to make sure you ask her out the right way. Not like, “Hey, want to hang out sometime??!” you gotta ask her out like a man, give her some options. And I show you some really effective word for word, texting examples in Turn Her On Through Text and in the Free Texting Cheat Sheet.
1 – NO UNSOLICITED PICTURES OF YOUR JUNK
Rule number onefor texting a woman: please, guys. No unsolicited pictures of your junk.
If she asks for it.. FINE. I’ve had a few girls ask. I usually send them kind of teasing pictures. I don’t show them the whole thing. I’m not going to give you examples. Don’t worry, but don’t just send her a Dick pic out of the blue.
I’m pretty sure that has never worked in the history of texting. Actually, it probably has worked, but it’s just way too high risk high reward.
Don’t do it. It’s gross. It’s kind of like going up to every girl at the bar and saying, “Hey, let’s go have sex.” It’s all just a numbers game at that point.
Instead, have some skills when it comes to texting.
If you’re interested in working with me or one of our team members live infield to help you actually approach women in real life or to handle your inner game, the thoughts and beliefs and the mindsets that are holding you back then I’ll put a link down below with more information, make sure to check that out!
That’s all for now, man! Make sure to check our content if you’re looking for more ways to master texting a woman you like.
Keep up the great work, and stay awesome.
Cheers for now,