4 Ways To Disarm People & Win Them Over

As I was walking through the hustling Market in Nicaragua, I realized that most people HAVE NO IDEA how to connect with another person and win them over (In a business or romantic sense).

This morning I decided to take a stroll through the market in Leon, Nicaragua and find some breakfast.  This market is full of life.  Immediately when you approach it, there is a noisy commotion of cars honking, people whistling, latin music blasting, and vendors barking.

The market is jam packed with rows and rows of hundreds of vendors selling everything from flip-flops, fresh-sliced mangos, toys, and cow liver.  There is hardly any room to walk and there is so much going on, my mind was racing trying to absorb all the surrounding chaos. It has a stench of raw meat that penetrates through the air.  Not my idea of a relaxing morning, but it is interesting to see it and a treasure chest if you are looking for cheap food.

This particular morning, I was on a mission for cheap and good breakfast.  One of the first things you’ll notice as a foreigner walking through the market, is that EVERY VENDOR is barking at you trying to sell you their goods.  I see the nicaraguan version of a food court and head towards the aisle, looking for a tasty dish to soothe my hunger.

Once they noticed I was a foreigner looking for food,  the vendors came at me like a pack of wolves, hungry for my money. No joke.  As I walked through the aisle, they would aggressively yell, “Hey handsome,  what are you looking for?” (In spanish of course).

Some would command me to come over and eat, one lady grabbed my bicep from behind with her wet hands, and another man tried to grab me and bring me over to his kitchen.

As they kept yelling at me, my mind and body shifted into defensive mode and I was no longer open to buying any of their food. My mind literally was drowning them out because they all sounded “the same.”

At that moment, I knew exactly what it feels like to be a beautiful woman walking through a club, with all the guys barking at her trying to get in her pants.  With all the guys bombarding her and eye-f**king her, she immediately becomes defensive. She dismisses and deflects every guy that approaches her. This is why meeting women at bars requires a different approach than meeting them at a coffee shop.

So where did I end up eating?  Which vendor won over my business?

I kept on walking, still being defensive,  and then came across this one lady who was able to completely disarm me, show me what she had to offer and get me to sit down at her table and eat.

How did she do it?

She did several things right that I will explain…


She smiled and greeted me, while looking directly into my eyes.  Most people don’t realize how disarming a smile can be.  All the other vendors were yelling at me with stern look on their face, hoping I would choose them.  She simply said, “Hi, what are you looking for?” but it was how she said it that was different.  The main difference was the smile on her face.

2.  Empathize

When she looked into my eyes, and smiled, I felt a sense of connection… like she knew what I was feeling. All the other vendors made me feel like they just wanted my money.  (I understand she does too, however, because she saw me as a person, I wanted to give my money to her).

3.  Lead

The woman that grabbed my arm with her wet hands was trying to lead but it was too aggressive.  The lady that won my business, led with a smile even though I was not smiling and actually, I probably had a very stern look on my face.  The other vendors were looking at me and waiting for my reaction.  If I would have smiled, they would have smiled.  That is the flat out the wrong approach.

The person who approaches or initiates the conversation MUST lead with a smile.  This applies equally to seducing women and a HUGE mistake guys make.  You see, when guys approach women, they usually have a neutral look on their face because they are waiting to see the reaction of the girl.  They are waiting for “her approval” of him.  From her reaction, they want to know if it is okay for him to be there.

In reality, she is looking at your facial expression to see if your presence is welcome.  If you look worried or nervous when you approach, she will feel weirded out.  If you look calm, peaceful, and happy, she will feel that too and your approach will be much more welcome.

4.  Be Vulnerable

In your interactions with people, being vulnerable is the MOST effective way to CREATE A CONNECTION.

How do you do it with a woman? Share something honest and true about you with the other person.  When you are talking to a woman, reveal something to her that you don’t share with most people.  She will appreciate it and immediately feel like she can trust you.

These four principles will help you maneuver social situations.  Remember, lead with a smile, empathize with the other person, and be vulnerable.

Body Language Hack That Will Transform Your Dating

Your Body Language is more important than you think.

You probably know that people make an impression of you, based on your body language.  What you probably didn’t know, is that Powerful body language can actually boost testosterone levels and make you more confident.

Here is an amazing Ted talk that explains all about the internal effects of body language.  You have to see this…

Do Girls Want You To Shut Up – Or Keep Talking? (How To Talk To Girls)

Most guys have NO IDEA how to talk to girls.

Here is the deal:  If she can predict what you are about to say, then her brain will shut off in an effort to be efficient.  

In other words… If you are a typical, boring, and predictable guy,  she will dismiss you.

And that is a big problem because you can’t seduce a woman if she is not listening to you.

Want to know why the Loud and Obnoxious ASSHOLE gets the girl?  Because he keeps her on her toes.  He is unpredictable. He is exciting.

You see, if you talk like every other guy, if your opinions are like every other guy, if you dress like every other guy… then she will just see you as another guy.


Here’s the Magic Key to success with women:  Do the opposite of what the majority of guys do.

This applies to your conversations also.  We don’t want to have the same boring conversations.  We like excitement, drama, surprise endings,  and action.

So, the most obvious way to spice up your conversations is to have an interesting life so you have compelling stories. Yes, do that.

However, if you know what you are doing, you can make ANYTHING interesting.

Let me explain what I mean.

When conversing, it is not what you say, but HOW you say it.  You can be talking about the paint on the wall (possibly the most boring topic ever) but depending on how you say it, she will either be bored out of her mind, or hooked like a baby hearing music for the first time.

So how do you talk to girls in a way that isn’t BORING?

Use Pattern Interrupts.

Pattern Interrupts are things that jolt you out of your current mindless state. For example, let’s say as you are here reading this, a SHOTGUN FIRES inside the room!!

Would you stay in a carefree and relaxed attitude or would you perk up with alertness and fear?

That is a pattern interrupt.  It gives you a sudden shift in your emotional state.  There are a few ways to do this during your interactions with women.

1.  Use Vocal Variety

At a basic level, this means to not speak like a robot.  Vary your volume, your tone, and the pace of your words to captivate your listener.

In general,  it is best to speak louder because it shows confidence and power. Right now, start the habit of speaking about 20% louder. Speaking slower and softer has its time too, especially when you are getting intimate with a woman.

While you speak, emphasize some words and then deemphasize others.  This keeps your listener paying attention.  Speed up, slow down… change it up.

2.  Use Emotional Power Phrases

Words have the power to trigger emotion… some more than others.  So when speaking, use words that stimulate emotions.

For example,  what phrase triggers your emotion more –

– fish  vs  great white shark?

– a tree fell on my house  vs  A monstrous three-story tree came crashing down on my house

– I want to kiss you  vs  I want to pin you against the wall and kiss you all over your body

What you want to do is shock their emotional system just a bit.  Some people do this by being vulgar and offensive, however, that is not necessary.

If you want to hear an example of how to do this, listen to Dane Cook. He is not the funniest comedian, however his words are strong and in your face. He almost commands that you pay attention to him.

Use Pattern Interrupts.

Remember, stand out and be bold. You got this.

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Showing Too Much Interest Will Blow It

You may know that I advocate being very direct with women.

Here is the deal. If by being direct, you show too much interest right away, you will lose her. You see, women want a man to desire them, however, that desire must be earned.

In other words, if you go up to a girl and are immediately amazed by her when you don’t know anything about her, she will dismiss you completely.

So in this video, I go over some practical ways to show your interest, the right way.

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how to flirt

How To Flirt To Make Her Want You

Alright, I am going to give you a rundown on how to flirt.

Many guys make the mistake of thinking flirting is all about making her laugh.  Laughter is great, however, do it the wrong way and you will be sent straight to the friend zone.

The Rules

Here are the basic rules and then I will give you some examples later down.

1. Have FUN For Yourself – When you are with a girl, you should be flirting because it is fun FOR YOU.  You don’t flirt because you want to please her.  You flirt because you enjoy it… as a result, she will have a good time and she will want you more.

2. No Self Deprecating Humor – This can be funny and you see comedians doing it all the time, but it is not attractive when someone makes fun of themselves. This is one of the Biggest Mistakes guys make.  They make her laugh but at the expense of their own attractiveness and value.

3. Be slightly Cocky – Highly Attractive Flirting is done through the right combination of being Cocky and Funny.  Too much “funny” and she won’t take you seriously.  Plus, she will start to see you as a clown.  Too much “cocky” and you will look like an arrogant asshole.

4. No Value TAKING – In other words, don’t make fun of her just so you will make yourself look better.  Many “guru’s” teach this but it often doesn’t work and it is not a respectable behavior.

5. Flip The Script – In general, your flirting should be in the frame of, “She is trying to seduce YOU”  (You’ll see some examples later)

6. No Approval Seeking – When you say something flirtatious or intimate, don’t wait for her reaction to see if “she liked it.” Just keep doing what you were doing, knowing that she loved it.

7. How You Say It Is Everything – It really doesn’t matter what you say. What matters is how you say it! When flirting, have a slight smile (like you have a secret) when you speak.  This shows her you are having fun and that look is very sexy to women.

8. Body Language –  Women love guys that are fun, dominant and confident. And these attributes are all sub communicated through your body language…..not your words. To help perfect your body language, take one of our advanced training courses.

Examples on How To Flirt

Here are some fun “games” or “frames” to use when flirting. Some of them may seem out there, but just think about in what situation you can use it.

– If you can take me anywhere on a date where would it be?

– What’s up punk, do you want to fight?  I’d so take you.  I’d tickle you until you pee your pants.

– On our first date, make sure there is ice cream involved.  Cookies and cream preferably.

– Will you do me a favor?  Follow me around and when girls start trying to pick me up, jump in like a cute cat ninja and shoo them away.

– You look like you’re trouble.

– Did you save this seat for me?

– Stop trying to undress me with your eyes.

– I’m not that kind of guy, okay? Geez

– Where’s your off button? Because I really want to push it right now.

– That’s it, we are getting a divorce. You can take the kids and I will take the lake house with the private helicopter.  I will call you later for some break up sex.

There you go… Have fun.

Want us to show you exactly how to do this?  Take a bootcamp or get a private coach.